wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
