So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
