All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
