My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
