you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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