I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
