while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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