he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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