Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
