Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
