Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
