You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
