It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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