You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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