One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
