You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
