I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
