If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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