when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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