after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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