I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
