I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
