Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
