We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
