I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
