i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
