Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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