i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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