$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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