It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
