The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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