Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
