I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
