she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
