Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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