I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm at about main and main street
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
