My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
