I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
