Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
