i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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