I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
