I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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