She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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