I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
