I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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