There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
