help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
