bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
