one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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