i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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