imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
