oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
