this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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