evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
