i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
