Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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