party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just found puke in my bra..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I need to sanitize my soul.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
