I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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