Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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