so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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