I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
