so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
