Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize