everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
