His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just sucked dick on a ferry
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
