He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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