Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
