i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
