i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
