How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
