Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
