Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
