What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
