I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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