Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
