Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate all girls vehemently.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
