You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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