Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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