I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
