everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So many bounce houses so little time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
