Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
