I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
