i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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