and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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