dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
